|
Post by Jazzy Jeff on Mar 27, 2010 0:47:08 GMT
Following on from the 'How old...' thread, can this be the special place for discussing homosexuality?
What do you think/where do you lie on the sexual spectrum/what do your friends think/what do your parents think?
I'll begin-I don't feel under pressure to decide. For most of my life I've assumed that I'm straight (although never really had the opportunity to explore that because PEOPLE DON'T LIKE ME) but a year and a bit ago I had a total rethink of everything in life and it left me with every opinion and no opinion all at once, and so now I'm vaguely seeing a girl because I realised that I don't seem to take into consideration gender when I asses someone's attractiveness. One day whilst discussing pop songs (specifically 'I Kissed A Girl' by Katy Perry and what a TERRIBLE song it is) I ran into the subject of sexuality with my mother which was pretty weird as we have never ever spoken about either of our love lives at all ever, it's not that kind of relationship, so I was pretty disappointed when I decided to be a bit brave and say 'I don't see the point in ruling out one gender entirely, why have one when you could have both?' and she just said 'well the rest of the world doesn't have a problem deciding, you either like boys or you like girls.' and that ruled out any further dating advice from my mother. I've done my best to get everyone around me my age used to the idea of different sexualities and whatnot, because I live in a horrifically conservative area where being gay just doesn't happen, and if it does it is not discussed, which always annoyed me. So I do my best to be forward about these things. It seems to be working.
|
|
|
Post by helwin tins on Mar 27, 2010 0:52:56 GMT
Luckily, I don't really have any homophobic friends so there's never been any fear/shame issues associated with those things for us, which is nice. I don't tend to pick a specific orientation for myself, as I'm not realy sure. My sexuality flips around a lot, between extremes and various midpoints, also I don't really see the point in labelling yourself as being a specific way, you never know what might happen.
I have a couple of friends who consider themselves bigendered, and they don't label themselves for kinda the same reasons as I don't - somedays they might feel male, and be attracted to a man, some days they might feel female and be attracted to a man, in this situation have they switched between a gay male and a straight female? Does it really matter?
Sexuality and gender are fascinating.
|
|
|
Post by sarah on Mar 27, 2010 1:00:25 GMT
i considered myself asexual for ages, i consider very few people really "attractive" in the first place and even when i did i never thought "PHWOAR I WOULD", or whatever. i think because i'd never been in a close, loving, or indeed any kind of relationship with anyone before i didn't really see the point in sex, but now i am it just makes more sense. i see now that what i had a problem with was just having sex with someone i don't have any emotional connection with (not that there's anything wrong with that, just i could never do it, people terrify me enough as it is and again, rarely find people attractive). i dunno man i guess i'm straight, but it's not something i really care that much about it's not really set in stone or anything and if i had fallen in love with a girl instead of a guy i don't think it'd make much difference (other than the obvious )
|
|
|
Post by idreamofcherrypies on Mar 27, 2010 1:43:45 GMT
I'd go with pansexual. I've always fancied girls the same way as I did boys, so it was more a case of realising that other people don't rather than that I do, if that makes sense. My friends were fairly decent, there was definitely awkwardness but the homophobic ones didn't make an issue of it like I expected. I haven't told mum and dad. I think dad would be alright with it although he might find it weird, mum's more of a 'don't ask don't tell' and doesn't find it natural. I dunno how much is her though and how much is stereotypical irish catholic convent school upbringing. I sometimes wonder if they suspect though, if I didn't have such a mental Johnny Depp obsession a couple of years ago they'd probably be more worried. There's a gay couple in the house opposite though and I've never heard them say anything bad about them, or influence my brother when he was young enough to find two men sharing a house weird.
|
|
|
Post by Xteenuh on Mar 27, 2010 3:47:11 GMT
I'd like to reply here to something from the how old other thread: Anyway, my parents think it's 'not natural'. my aunt has this opinion on bisexuality. once she said that she really hates people "who can't decide" and that it would "not be normal". (before she said that I really liked her) This thought makes me mad too, because of the reason that YOU DON'T LOGICALLY DECIDE who you're attracted to! You don't just look at a person and think, "Ah yes, I believe I shall be sexually attracted to them RIGHT NOW." You don't consider and decide too much really, it just happens. Even if you are strictly straight or strictly gay, the same thing happens - everyone has different "tastes" and are all attracted to different people. A straight women is not attracted to every man in the world and vice versa. A gay man is not attracted to every man in the world, and vice versa. It's almost like being straight or being gay is just like being bisexual! There's so many options and everyone likes different things. So really, in my view, all sexualities are essentially the same on that level. That's the beauty of sexuality. By the way, I consider myself straight. Though a girl friend did ask if I wanted to make out once, and I seriously considered it for a while... but we were drinking, so, yeah, I dunno. Oh, and I would do Lady Gaga, but no other woman.
|
|
|
Post by Rhiflect on Mar 27, 2010 10:24:12 GMT
What Xteenuh said up there!
I think i'd consider myself inherently straight, but sometimes women are just sexy! Although this could have something to do with the way women are marketed in every day life? But probably not. I think it's just always intruiged me. There's a whole ton of gay people at my school, both gay and lesbian, and there's no homophobia (that I know of), and i'm so happy about that. But on another level I think that people in my year (probably including my friends) would be a little weirded out or whatever if I came out (or maybe that's just because it would be me!).
My mum isn't homophobic in the way that she's anti-gay rights or whatever, and i'm sure both her and my dad would be fine if I were gay, but they (and mum in particular) both have that 'oh god, i just don't want to look, it's unnatural looking. eurgh' generation stance. She also thinks bisexuality is 'weird'.
|
|
|
Post by jadeface on Mar 27, 2010 10:55:02 GMT
If I'm ever asked, then I say I'm straight, but it isn't something I really think about either. I've only ever been with men, I have never wanted to physically be with a woman. However I find women attractive and can think they are beautiful more often than I do with men. But maybe it's like what Rhi just said I have also had friend-crushes, you know, like when YOU WANT SOMEONE TO BE YOUR FRIEND because they're cool or you think they're pretty, and they are always female, and so I don't know what that is, but I never get a friend-crush with boys, just girls. I wouldn't ever rule out if I ended up having females for a woman, but it hasn't happened yet.
|
|
|
Post by idreamofcherrypies on Mar 27, 2010 12:27:07 GMT
How does everyone feel about those people that fancy objects? I can't remember the word for it. Like all those women that have married the Eiffel Tower, or a carousel, or the Golden Gate Bridge and then they cheat with a picket fence...
(Sorry if this is a thread hijack! I hope it's not, I think they do have a word for that orientation which is what reminded me)
|
|
|
Post by jadeface on Mar 27, 2010 13:13:46 GMT
^ I remember watching this program where a woman was in love with a church pew and she was stroking and humping it. The same with a woman in love with a radiator...
But yeah, things like the Berlin wall etc. I've seen that on the same documentary.
Personally, I don't understand that... I don't see how you can receive anything from an object, other than appreciation. But from the program I saw, it was very... sexual.
|
|
|
Post by lastgoodbye on Mar 27, 2010 15:51:10 GMT
I know I like boys. I've never been with/ in love with a girl but I wouldn't rule it out, so I guess that makes me "insert label here". I've never really felt the need to explain to people who I'm attracted to, but if someone asked, I wouldn't lie. Luckily I feel no particular rush to 'make my mind up' about this issue, so I'm not all angsty about it or whatever. I'm starting to think some of my politics class think I'm gay, because you can't be that passionate about gay rights if you're not, right...? Hah. It'll never bother me enough to correct them unless someone asks. Although, part of me shies away from the idea of being in a relationship with a girl because I think it might be slightly too much for my parents to cope with, with one child out of three already being opening gay. Is that weird? Not that it makes that much of a difference. Whatever will be will be. I wouldn't ever rule out if I ended up having females for a woman, Hah
|
|
|
Post by jadeface on Mar 27, 2010 16:03:58 GMT
AHAHA how did I even do that?! I'm keeping it
|
|
|
Post by idreamofcherrypies on Mar 27, 2010 16:06:02 GMT
^ I remember watching this program where a woman was in love with a church pew and she was stroking and humping it. The same with a woman in love with a radiator... But yeah, things like the Berlin wall etc. I've seen that on the same documentary. Personally, I don't understand that... I don't see how you can receive anything from an object, other than appreciation. But from the program I saw, it was very... sexual. It does seem sexual doesn't it! I didn't see the programme but I read reviews and there did seem to be a lot of...humping. Apparently a lot of them had been abused (the people I mean), so I wonder if there's a link...
|
|
|
Post by franklyimfrances on Mar 27, 2010 21:54:15 GMT
i saw a programme about some middle aged men who were attracted to cars. they were talking about how they 'sneaked down to the garage and 'had a bit of action with the exause'' and stuff, it wasn't nice. a radiator though? how would that work? do any of them have any feelings for humans or anything then?
I'm not sure about my sexuality, but im not puzzles/scared/disstressed by it either.
|
|
Aly
Empress
Dunque is a very unflattering word
Posts: 206
|
Post by Aly on Mar 27, 2010 22:09:05 GMT
My parents are very homophobic, because they're Muslim, then again, anything "sexual" disturbs them. I try to convince them it's not bad, it's just love. but my parents are pretty hard-headed. It kind of annoys me, because the comments they make are very offensive. It's not like they affect the way they live, so they shouldn't complain. But you know, Muslims have a history of hating homosexuality. though, it's really my intention to bad-mouth islam, but they can be extreme. and it's no secret that traditionally they're pro-censorship. I ought become omnisexual..!
|
|
|
Post by franklyimfrances on Mar 27, 2010 22:19:34 GMT
omnisexual...? lol
|
|
|
Post by Jazzy Jeff on Mar 27, 2010 22:52:03 GMT
Interesting answers, I agree with all of you. I guess we weren't really going to get anything much more specific on a PW forum though (no generalisation here AT ALL) but I presumed everyone here would be pretty open to different ideas about sexuality. What about gender? Anyone here transgender/know someone who is? I find the idea fascinating because being transgender isn't something I can easily empathise with- as much as I would love to have been born a boy I've always gone with 'there is absolutely nothing I can do about this vagina thing so I'll just make the most of being a grrrl' -not that I have any negative opinion on transgender people at all, obviously. Do you ever wish you had been born the opposite sex? Would you ever consider a sex change? Do you dress stereotypically as one gender or the other? (My mother says I dress like a gay man from the 80s. Not sure what to take from that.) So yeah...continue to discuss, I find this fascinating.
|
|
|
Post by idreamofcherrypies on Mar 27, 2010 23:49:03 GMT
I find gender fascinating. I don't know any transgender people, but I read a really lovely (fictional) book about someone that was, called Parrotfish by Ellen Wittlinger, so I'd recommend it if you like reading and are interested in LGBT fiction, it's very sweet I used to watch bits and pieces of The L Word on youtube too, was someone called Alex transgender? I'm actually quite a girly girl, I live in skirts and dresses and only have like 2 pairs of trousers (and they're mum's that didn't fit) but I don't like trying to look pretty so I'll have like messy hair or smudgey makeup or laddered tights or whatever, and I have the most fantastic pair of man's brogues that I got for 2 quid in a charity shop. So I suppose I like messing with gender stereotypes even if I'm happy with the gender I've got. I love it when other people do (mtf and ftm), like Peaches' beard on the cover of Fatherfucker, things like that. Ooh and has anyone seen Breakfast On Pluto? How gorgeous is Cillian?! Sorry, I suspect I provided more pop culture references than actual discussion there...
|
|
|
Post by wakefromthysleep on Mar 28, 2010 0:30:52 GMT
How does everyone feel about those people that fancy objects? I can't remember the word for it. objectophilia. or simple a form of fetishism. [edit: I think I saw the same documantary like fireflypulse..] I've heard about some guys who live in a proper relationship with their cars. One of them told that he feels attracted by the curves of his car and he masturbates in it, on it and does whatever else he wants with it. Of course his car had a female name but I can't remember. He talks with it and it had his own personality. Fetishism begins with good luck charms - we believe the object would have a higher power and helps us. somehow we all have a fetish that stimulates us every day. on transgender: really fascinating. Personally I find it absolutely sexy when you can't see of what gender a person is. some years ago I went through a long time when I wanted to be a boy. I felt wrong. That was in a time when I didn't know that girls are attractive to me as well, so I felt like a gay boy in a female body.. that was weird. Now I don't really believe in genders anymore. Of course there are some differences but basically we're all human. And Xteenuh, thanks for your comment on bisexuality. I totally agree.
|
|
|
Post by jadeface on Mar 28, 2010 7:59:46 GMT
What about people and dolls? Now that's quite an odd one. Although I LOVED Lars and the Real Girl, because the character was just innocent, it wasn't sexual, whereas on TV shows the majority of people who have dolls are men who have sex with them, send them back to suppliers for a 'new vagina' for their doll as it's totally shredded up. Not nice. Some people maybe can't seem to have relationships with humans so they then go towards dolls? But on this program, one of them actually had a girlfriend (not for long I might add). So it's sort of like nothing lives up to a 'lady' that doesn't talk. They can create a personality for them?
I've always felt not very womanly as I don't have a chest and so sometimes I probably overcompensate to feel womanly in terms of wearing dresses and whatnot, but actually 80% of the time I often have one item of boys clothing on. So I'm confused. I quite like the idea of looking a bit androgynous in terms of my figure, my chest, but I like to wear makeup and I quite like playing with identity in my own really subtle way. That's why I've changed my hair a lot. And that's why I cut it all off and had an almost shaved bit on the side. It depends on the day I think. Sometimes I'm pretty girly (like today, I'm wearing a dress, lots of jewelry, makeup) and tomorrow I might wear jeans and a boy jumper. I'm not sure. I know I want to be a girl, but I don't particularly love it as I feel I will never be a 'true' woman.
|
|
|
Post by thornyking on Mar 28, 2010 8:18:17 GMT
It is very disheartening to see the rampant disbelief of bisexuality (and pansexuality). You even see it in science where they seem to research what switches a person to be homosexual, which is making it seem so black and white when there's a spectrum, man. It's hit my friend pretty hard to the point that she will often be unwilling to admit it to people almost purely based on the lack of acceptance. It's definitely in the gay community-- I have heard of homo-folks saying they rule out relationships with bi-folks. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me at all. It actually seems quite ideal and more romantic that gender is disregarded and unimportant in love. Peoples' attitudes even if they acknowledge it can also be pretty awful. I have a terrible anecdote of someone coming out as bisexual: A person reacted something along the lines of "Really? You don't seem like a slut to me."
I very much get what Jade has said about friend-crushes! The way I have babbled about certain people will often end with questions about whether I fancy the person when I don't romantically. I also have what I call half-crushes and they confuse me to no end. It has happened with an embarrassing number of female friends... I may be cuddling with one and I will have an urge to kiss her. There is a friend who I have actually kissed, and it was a total Bad Thing because it sort of ignited a crush within her and I had to tell her I was unsure and I made her cry. I can't remember if I mentioned this.
My history of passionate and very sure crushes have been strictly on fellows. Oddly enough, I have not exactly lusted since I was in my mid-teens-- it's not a physical thing, just strong emotions. I am open to the possibilities of something happening with a gal, but sometimes I think it just creates more confusion. I don't know if I'd be comfortable being in a relationship with a gal because I think I crave intimacy with a fellow and it just may not feel right. This makes me feel like I'm restricting myself and I'm not very fond of that.
Growing up, I had a lot of homophobia surrounding me-- especially in junior high. The strongest example was with someone I ate lunch with every day. He told me he would like to go on a mass shooting and kill a whole lot of gay people if he could get away with it. I asked him why and he replied that is against the bible. This probably would've scared me more if I wasn't in complete self-denial at the time. (Hindsight terrified me more. I still ate lunch with the guy after that instance.) Heteronormativity was around and I always assumed myself to be heterosexual and rationalized if I found a fellow to be alluring to be more of an objective reaction of beauty and general friendly fondness rather than attraction. Therefore, alluring gals were categorized as attraction. I had friends in eighth grade basically convincing me that I had a crush on a girl named Stacy. It was a bit fucked up. I showed no attraction to her and she not to me, and my friends were convinced we were meant to be together or something. I started believing it. It was a massive battle within my mind when I started realizing my attraction to fellows. When I had my first crush on a guy in high school, I cried and cried for months. It was fucking shit.
My mother showed some awful attitudes towards gays in the media and when my sister's friend came out. To think of it, my sister's reactions weren't that great, but I have to consider it was a bit of a shock to her. To roll back in time, my sister once told me on a ski lift when we were younger that she didn't think gay people really existed, and was surprised when she found out that they did. It puzzled her very much. She found it gross but tried to be accepting. By some grace (perhaps not grace but a change of attitude) I was accepted very nicely when I came out to my immediate family. It was surprisingly very comfortable. They've acknowledged it whilst not having our relationship change one bit. I was very worried about my dad, but he seems fine with it? He's acknowledged it but we haven't discussed it. We don't communicate much anyhow.
I would like to talk about gender, but this post is already a bit of a monster.
|
|