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Post by Rhiflect on Jan 2, 2008 21:03:21 GMT
Wow, Josh i love it! Not only 'cos you used the word phlegm but because it's very very good. Commonkid, i love your's too, it tells a great story and i love how it goes back to the beginning.
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Post by Clare on Jan 5, 2008 12:07:41 GMT
Josh, that was extremely enjoyable.
After months of writer's block, here I mashed two unfinished pieces together:
I trusted you to wind me up again and give me all my time back. I guess we can't help being all we are; but I just wish that you could have been more for me. I put my faith in you - I thought you were a god in a Smiths t-shirt. Turns out you were just another guy who couldn't save me.
I'm so sorry: this is not intimacy; this is merely formality. Your body pushing my legs open, my fingers in your hair and our eyes so definitely open. I wish we could close them. I wish I wish I wish. We fuck with the door open and the music playing so loudly that I can't hear your breath in my ear or my own strangled whimpers. It's a celebration of our aches.
It's obvious that this will never work. I don't know if all sex is this violent. I don't know if all men hit their girlfriends. I don't know why it feels so good.
I can't resist kissing your face (down your nose, around your cheekbones, over your perfectly fucking formed Cupid's Bow). I don't understand why I love you the way I do, but I hope I'm not taking this too seriously.
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Post by bridgetbegins on Jan 5, 2008 23:05:01 GMT
Oh, I love reading love poetry!
(This was written after the first time I slept with my then-girlfriend.)
When the first stone is cast, proverbially the kisses do not take the opportunity to end at the vertex of a plunging neckline, one afternoon and continue down over goosebumps and
suddenly, in the moment it takes to inhale half-a-gasp and leave a sigh in its train the air has become stilted and heavy despite an open window and glasses of chalky lemonade that sweat
restlessly on the nightstand and a quick nod, a is-this-okay-its-okay-if-it’s-not-but-I’m-ready-just-so-you-know is returned and overheated skin is the recipient of a reassuring tongue, kissing over the curve that is formed when
the back is arched, just north of the belly button and south of the end of the protective circle of ribs while this is not the final destination, not at all, it is seemingly an excellent place to detour
take a moment to explore places never touched by the tongue of one such person, down to the curvature of widening hips and the valleys just south of those, previously stated, nip gently at the plains between the two
giggle as they quiver restlessly and uncontrollably and fumble, with clothes, fumble, with other things until finally it is just us on cool cotton bed sheets and there is arching and grasping and clasping and shaking and other things and
when it is over and done, we smile sheepishly over the marks that have found their way onto the backs of each other and the bruised lips and the hair, heavily tussled and the way our hearts still hammer in our respective chests
and eventually we pull the sheets from the bottom of the bed, where they have congregated in great, monstrous clumps of fabric and curl up with my head on your shoulder and our feet tangled together, hands clasped seriously over your belly and
we sleep
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Post by sarah on Jan 5, 2008 23:10:40 GMT
i wrote a poem ages ago about love from my point of view of never having been in love before, but i can't for the life of me remember it
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Post by Rhiflect on Jan 6, 2008 17:10:50 GMT
HELPFUL. bridgetbegins (i do know your name.. :/) i love it
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Post by Gladiolus on Jan 6, 2008 17:19:24 GMT
Wow. I really love commonkids poem. very exciting. ´
I have written a song but just the melody and the music. I cant seem too figure out how to write the lyrics! I know in my head what it is all about. But I just dont figure how to get it right and beautiful on paper.
Maybe its wrong to ask this here but I wonder if anybody got any tips how to do it? Maybe you have some tricks to get it right? Youre all very talented and I thought.... Well it would be really really nice if you could tell me something....
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Post by stationtostation on Jan 6, 2008 18:13:56 GMT
Wow. I really love commonkids poem. very exciting. ´ I have written a song but just the melody and the music. I cant seem too figure out how to write the lyrics! I know in my head what it is all about. But I just dont figure how to get it right and beautiful on paper. Maybe its wrong to ask this here but I wonder if anybody got any tips how to do it? Maybe you have some tricks to get it right? Youre all very talented and I thought.... Well it would be really really nice if you could tell me something.... Just write without editing or concern for quality whats in your head in a sort of stream of consciousness way, then when you have that keep the best bits and edit the rest out. I'm not a musician but when listening to music without lyrics and even sometimes music with lyrics I can't make out, I put my own words to the tune. You have to remember theres music in words, and words in music if that makes sense, listening to the feelings and sensations what you've wrote brings out in you and without contriving it too much try and put that in words. Use the lyrics as another instrument. Remember lyrics are not poetry: you can get away with murder lyrically if you've wrote a good tune.
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Post by bridgetbegins on Jan 6, 2008 21:36:47 GMT
HELPFUL. bridgetbegins (i do know your name.. :/) i love it It's Katie. Thanks, I s'pose. Mostly it's just a joke though-- I'm trying to edit out the shoddy ones.
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Post by Gladiolus on Jan 7, 2008 13:28:03 GMT
Wow. I really love commonkids poem. very exciting. ´ I have written a song but just the melody and the music. I cant seem too figure out how to write the lyrics! I know in my head what it is all about. But I just dont figure how to get it right and beautiful on paper. Maybe its wrong to ask this here but I wonder if anybody got any tips how to do it? Maybe you have some tricks to get it right? Youre all very talented and I thought.... Well it would be really really nice if you could tell me something.... Just write without editing or concern for quality whats in your head in a sort of stream of consciousness way, then when you have that keep the best bits and edit the rest out. I'm not a musician but when listening to music without lyrics and even sometimes music with lyrics I can't make out, I put my own words to the tune. You have to remember theres music in words, and words in music if that makes sense, listening to the feelings and sensations what you've wrote brings out in you and without contriving it too much try and put that in words. Use the lyrics as another instrument. Remember lyrics are not poetry: you can get away with murder lyrically if you've wrote a good tune. Haha. Well I think thats what it is going to be.... but the music is also murder so...I'm a Massmurder!!! Thank you very much! That was lovely. Now I shall try to do my best and see what the result is! ;)Thank you
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Post by stationtostation on Jan 8, 2008 4:07:22 GMT
A wrote a more poemy poem tonight, So I thought the obvious thing to do with my deepest subconscious thoughts is post them for strangers to read on the internet. Enjoy!
Home Sweet Home.
This derelict ballroom was once infinite
Fingerprints of primordial dilly dallying Have executed the bricks and mortar
Wind howls Even the cobwebs growl Your shadow claws maniacally at the door
“But it’s oh so roomy!” you contest As you contort your boyshape Into your homestead, A minuscule crack in the wall
Your wrinkled youth pretends That this is your means and never your ends Echoes, do not trumpet liberation No matter how much you scream into the vast
Her smile is architectural, His Punch and Judy show more authentic Than a grandfather clock with the fittings on show
Oh swan made of jelly (or so the blueprint goes) When will you set? When will you finally take form?
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Post by mimicry on Jan 8, 2008 4:30:01 GMT
Wind howls Even the cobwebs growl Your shadow claws maniacally at the door I'm not really one for poetry, but this image here is fantastic. It's very tangible.
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Post by Rhiflect on Jan 8, 2008 16:55:03 GMT
WANT.
I wish i could actually write. :/
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Post by sarah on Jan 8, 2008 17:21:07 GMT
it's even more annoying when you can write, and yet you have nothing to write about
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Post by stationtostation on Jan 8, 2008 17:56:13 GMT
it's even more annoying when you can write, and yet you have nothing to write about Develop some crippling personal and psychological issues, that tends to do the trick.
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Post by Rhiflect on Jan 8, 2008 20:46:44 GMT
Can Try-Hards Try Too Hard?
So with ink-stained rainbow fingers, We amble to school And watch the birds Swell and slide Fall and glide Like the winter waves
So with ripped blue-grey tights you slip out of the door quietly, like the girl you wish you were sultry and sophisticated odd yet not out-dated like christmas songs on a summer elevator ride.
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Post by pigeon song on Jan 8, 2008 20:49:23 GMT
swan made of jelly? thats some powerul imagery there ^^^Rhi I like yours...but i have used my exalt on Josh...later then.
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Post by Clare on Jan 8, 2008 20:50:04 GMT
I liked that a lot, Rhi. I really liked the quiet rhythm to it, and loved your imagery.
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Post by sarah on Jan 8, 2008 20:52:59 GMT
it's even more annoying when you can write, and yet you have nothing to write about Develop some crippling personal and psychological issues, that tends to do the trick. sounds like a plan
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Post by Rhiflect on Jan 8, 2008 20:59:43 GMT
I made the first verse up on the looAw, shucksh, fanksh guysh.
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Post by Gladiolus on Jan 8, 2008 21:02:40 GMT
Oh I liked that alot! Very nice Now I really dont believe that "Buhu I wish I could write" Stop it! Its lovely!
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